Look After You
by McPerfect
Summary: After a split, Addison and Alex are still friends. Just friends. She's not a pathetic ex and he's not a stalker ex. There's no more feelings. They are friends. That's their story, anyways. From Addi and Alex's POVs. Addex obviously. T for language.
1. Dead Wrong

**a/n: i know that i always say this when i start another fic, but i really don't need a distraction. this was SUPPOSED to be a oneshot, but it decided that it wanted to be a chapter fic, so it is. it's my first attempt at first person, so some feedback would be adored. the title and the name of the chapters are songs by the fray, because they are the only thing i seem to be able to listen to when i write this.**

**the story's told from addison's POV and then alex's. it may be told from other people's POVs but i'll let you know if that happens.**

**ADDEX, because that's the only pairing i can write and it's the only pairing i WANT to write.**

**disclaimer: not mine, don't sue.**

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_Three months. That was how long me and Alex were together. We were happy too. You want to know the most surprising thing? We didn't end badly. We just stopped being. We ceased to exist. I can't tell you why either, because I don't know. Just one day we were and then the next, bam, we weren't. Doesn't seem right, does it? Doesn't seem like we're capable of an amicable break up. You're thinking that there should have been yelling, or cheating, or that maybe I should have thrown something. But there wasn't. It was totally friendly._

_The weirdest part, though? We're still friends. I know, it's strange, right? You're not supposed to be friends with your ex. You're supposed to do one of two things. Option one: hate their guts. Option two: lust after them and be the utterly pathetic person that won't let go. I'm neither. Okay, maybe a little bit of option two, but come on! He's hot! You'd have to be blind, deaf, and dumb not to lust after him a little! I would be worried if I didn't lust after him just a tad. Because once upon a time I had him. Seems stupid to have let him go. But I don't regret it. Just because I don't go on any dates doesn't mean that I regret it. Just because I occasionally still think back to us doesn't mean that I'm the pathetic ex that won't let go. Because I'm not… I'm not!_

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Three months. Twelve weeks. That was how long I managed to hang on to the ex-She-Shepherd. Three months of actual happiness. Happiness, I had forgotten what that felt like. I won't ever again. Because I know that I will always remember those three months. And it's not like we hate each other now anyways. We're friends. She's my boss, I'm her student. But we're friends. I'm really proud of that fact. I didn't completely let her go. We still talk. I still bring her coffee. She still yells at me when I screw up. I still feel like punching Sloane any time he goes anywhere near her. But I'm not a jealous, stalker ex or anything. It's just that she's my friend and I don't want to see her hurt. Because who wants to see their friend hurt? So what that any time Sloane screws with her I mess up his coffee or something, even though I'm not an intern and he can't really order me to get his coffee anymore? So what if every time I see her I kind of lose my breath? She's hot. Anyone with eyes can see that. It's not like it's abnormal for me to check her out or anything. And so what that any time she's had a rough day we'll go to Joe's and I'll buy her a drink? It's not like it's a date or anything. It's just me comforting my friend. Because we are friends. I always feel the need to stress that fact. We are friends.

This is the first time I've ever really been friends with an ex. Well, Izzie, but I don't count her since we never really were, so she can't really be my ex. I screwed up before we got the chance. And I'm sorry that I hurt her. But when I think about it, I don't think that we'd have worked out anyways and then we wouldn't be friends, because our break up would have been far messier than me and Addison's. Not that I'm glad I slept with Olivia, because I'm not. And I'm not glad that Denny came along and took Izzie away from me. But I'm glad that we have the chance to be friends. Anyways, back to what I was saying before. Where was I? Right, being friends with an ex. It's strange and I'm terrified of screwing up. Because the last thing I want in the world is to not be friends with Addison anymore. Because we're good as friends. We work well. And I'm probably closer to her than I am to any other person in Seattle. And I would hate to be enemies with someone who knew all the secrets that she does. Because that would be very bad. So I do everything in my power to stay on her good side, because if there's anywhere you don't want to be, it's Addison Forbes Montgomery's shit list.

Izzie thinks I'm crazy. She thinks that it's impossible for me to be friends with Addison. But I'll show her. Because I can be friends with her. I can.

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_I'm sitting at the nurse's station when Alex passes by. We make eye contact and I smile a little and he smiles back, which makes my smile just a little wider. I watch him go and yes, I admit it, I kind of, sort of check him out. Because, as we've established, he's hot and I'm a functioning female._

_"So you remember that speech I gave you a while back about the lines of deliciousness? The one with the cartoon bear and the table that turns into a big juicy steak? I feel like I should give it to you again." I whirl around and sure enough, it's Callie._

_"I was not looking at him like that," I protest, but I know that it's a weak argument, since I'm totally and completely lying._

_"Liar. That was the hottest eyesex I've ever seen. Except for possibly before you two hooked up. That was seriously hot. I wanted to cringe and then go bang my husband every time."_

_"Callie!" I really shouldn't be shocked by her statements anymore. I should be used to her by now. But I'm not._

_"What? I'm just saying…" She trails off suggestively, but what she's suggesting, I have no clue._

_"What are you talking about?" I ask._

_"You are a hopeless case, Addison Montgomery. I'm not even going to try to help you."_

_And then she walks away and I have no idea what she was talking about, but now I really want to know._

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Izzie and I are sitting in the tunnels because we have some downtime. It's been awhile since I've last been down here because when you're a resident you don't get a lot of free time. Not that you get a lot of free time as an intern, either. But whatever. Somehow Izzie and I managed to make it down here without a page or an intern bugging us.

It's been awhile since I've talked with her, but we just talk like we always do. Bailey's interns have to stick together. We talk about our residency and Izzie complains about something or other, I don't really pay attention. It can't be all that important or she wouldn't be talking to me about it. She'd be talking to Meredith or something.

Izzie chose cardiothoracics as her specialty. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, what with Denny and all. I am though. I guess I always had her pegged as a neonatal sort of gal. Oh well. Christina's in cardiothoracics too, but we always knew that would happen. And Meredith is a general surgeon. Couldn't make up her mind. That's how I see general surgeons, indecisive. But then again, Dr. Bailey is far from indecisive. So I guess that theory's out the window. I've got to admit, I'm proud of her for not choosing neuro because of Shepherd. Poor Georgie has to repeat his internship. Sucks for him. But he's doing it, and he's doing it here, which I have to give him props for. And me? Well, guess what? I didn't choose plastics. Shocker, I know, after working, I would say with, but that's not the case, after working _for_ Sloane and _with_ Addison. Here's the real shocker. Neonatal. That's my specialty. Gasp, I know. Don't have a heart attack or anything. People think I chose it because of Addison, but that's not the case. Well, she might have had some sway on my decision at the time, since we were dating then, but I couldn't love what I do more. The fact that I get to work with her? Just an added bonus, but not a major factor. I can see that Addison feels guilty, that she had an affect on such a life altering decision. But I just, like, connect with the pregnant chicks. Is that a bad thing, that I'm connecting with pregnant girls, most of whom have husbands?

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_I'm having a sucky day. Mark's being particularly annoying and Derek's in an extremely mean mood. Things not going well with his twelve year old? God, I shouldn't talk. I had my own intern there for awhile. And besides, Meredith Grey isn't that bad. I can see how he'd like the whole damsel in distress thing. That was the one thing I never was. I refuse to be needy, because that means I'm dependent on someone, which I'm not. Ever. Addison Forbes Montgomery is never, ever dependent. And no matter how much Meredith professes not to need saving, she does. I can see how Derek could have fallen for her. She's got that whole skinny as a stick, wide eyed ingénue thing working for her. I don't think she's as pretty as Izzie, who has that whole blond hair and boobs model thing going for her, or, you know, me, but I can get how he could fall in love with her. God, sometimes that hurts to think about. I am not going to cry just because I'm thinking about my ex-husband being in love with Meredith Grey. I'm not. Crap, I am._

_I run to a supply closet and sit down on an overturned bucket and I start sobbing. I hate to cry. I hate being vulnerable. And yet here I am, sobbing in a supply closet over a stupid thought. I must be having a crappier day then I realized._

_The door opens and I look up. Alex is standing there. He doesn't say anything, he just pulls me up and into a hug and I just sob into his shoulder. I'm probably completely ruining his scrub top with my tears and stupid non-waterproof mascara, but all I can think about is how good it feels to be in his arms again. No! Bad thought, Addison. I can't think like that or I'm going to go crazy. We are friends. Nothing more. And I'm okay with that. But I still can't help thinking of him as my knight in shining… whatever. Yes, I am well aware of the fact that Meredith and Derek coined this phrase, but it spread through the hospital and it seems to fit. Except that makes me seem dependent on him. Which I'm not. It's really kind of sad how I seem to need to assure myself of this._

_We stay like that for, I don't know, it could have been anything from a minute to an hour. However long it was, it felt too short. I pull back and here's where we always have issues. This is gonna be awkward._

_"Thanks, I, um, needed that," I say, wiping at my face because I am sure my mascara's running. It's not going to help. I really should start carrying tissues with me. I've been crying far too often lately to not carry them around. And then from his lab coat, like a miracle, Alex pulls out a packet of Kleenex. Why he's carrying around Kleenex I don't know, but I am so thankful he does right now._

_"No problem," he responds with a smile as he hands me the tissues. I wipe furiously under my eyes, trying desperately to get rid of the telltale mascara tracks without a mirror. "Hold on," he says, taking a Kleenex and wiping my face far more gently than I am. "You missed a spot. Hang on a second. Perfect," he proclaims and looks down at the tissue then at my face. His hand reaches out and a finger swipes directly underneath my eye. "Eyelash," he explains, holding the finger out near my mouth. "Make a wish."_

_I know what I want to wish, but it would be pathetic ex behavior. So I wish that he'll ask to take me out for a drink instead of what I want to wish, which is for him to kiss me. And sure enough, as I blow gently at the eyelash he asks me to go for "a drink, maybe dinner". Hey, wishes do come true. I'm going to pretend that I didn't just say that._

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I wasn't watching her. Not exactly anyways. I was simply near her when I saw her run into that supply closet. We work together, it's nearly inevitable that I would be there. So I ran after her, because she's my friend and she looked like she needed me. And then I hugged her because she needed it. The fact that all I could think about was how right it felt to hold her again and how much I missed it, completely irrelevant.

I always carry the Kleenex with me because, hello, I work with pregnant chicks. Their hormones are completely out of whack. I never know when one of them is going to start crying. After being rendered helpless the first couple times, I started carrying around a package of Kleenex so that I'd at least have something to do while they cried their eyes out. I've never been gladder that I carry it around than I am now.

And I do the eyelash thing because I know that it's the kind of thing she likes, the kind of thing that comforts her. I don't know why she's crying, but I do know that I want her to stop. I want nothing more than I want her to smile. Because her face kind of lights up when she smiles. Her eyes crinkle around the edges, and I know that because of that gorgeous smile she'll eventually get crow's feet there, but for now it doesn't matter. Her eyes get this gleam and she looks kind of like a ten year old who's been told that she's going to Disneyland. Well, at least if the smile is genuine. If it's a fake smile, a smile that she gives all the time, then it won't reach her eyes at all and her mouth will stay pressed shut. That's how I always know if she's grinning or faking. If she's grinning, her smile will start small but get bigger and bigger until eventually she has to show teeth. A fake smile and her lips stay shut tight and if you look at her eyes, it almost looks as if it hurts her to smile. I'm allowed to know these things because I was her boyfriend for three months. You notice that kind of stuff in three months. And because I'm her friend, I haven't forgotten it.

I ask her to go get a drink after work because it's what we do when she's had a crappy day. When I've had a crappy day she'll come sit with me at lunch and listen sympathetically. It's nice because I get away from my other friends. I mean, Izzie and Meredith are fine, I like them, but Christina is nosy and robotic and I'm not really positive that she's a functioning human being. And George is, well, Bambi. He's timid and it bugs the hell out of me. He needs to man up. How he landed a chick like Torres I will never know.

She smiles and accepts and then she takes a deep breath. I pull her into another hug, not because I want to hold her again, I swear, but because she looks like she needs it. She's wearing heels but not tall ones so for once in my life I'm taller than her. I kiss her the top of her head, because I would do the same for Izzie. I think. It never comes up with Izzie. Izzie doesn't let me see her vulnerable anymore. I'm surprised that Addison does. I guess that's what happens when you're alone. I hate the thought of her alone. I wish she would go on a date so that I don't have to feel bad about being the last person she dated.

She leans into me and we stay like that for a minute. She must realize how guilty we'd look if someone walked in right now and she pulls back, hesitantly, it seems to me, but that's just wishful thinking, at least I think. Then she smiles at me, a real smile that catches my breath in my throat just a little, and she walks out of the closet, back to her composed, perfect persona. I wait a few minutes and then I follow her and we're back to being student and teacher and I find myself kind of wishing that we were back in the supply closet.

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_I'm in a much better mood after the supply closet. The thought of drinks with Alex always puts me in a good mood. I'm back at the nurse's station and I'm smiling that stupid moronic grin I have on whenever I talk to him when I hear someone come up behind me. I turn and it's Callie. Big surprise there. She takes one look at my face and says, "Someone got some."_

_I glare at her over the top of my glasses. "Contrary to what you might think, my moods do not revolve around sex, unlike some people I could mention," I reply. They may revolve around a certain intern-turned-resident, but they most certainly do not revolve around sex. And we're going to pretend I just didn't say that, because that would be a very bad thing for me to say about my ex._

_"Okay, so what made you so happy then?" Callie challenges me._

_And now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell her, because I can't tell her that Alex asked me out for drinks and now I can't stop smiling. Because she would take it the wrong way. She would take it as me still having feelings for the guy. Which I don't._

_So I lie. "I just got a call from my friend in L.A."_

_She looks at me suspiciously. I've never been the greatest liar. But I manage to keep a straight face and she seems to believe me. "Anyone I know or care about?" she asks eventually._

_"Nope. Well, Naomi, but you don't really know or care about her," I reply. And I've officially gotten away with it. Thank God._

_"Liar." Shit. "But whatever, you're not going to tell me. I'll find out eventually, you know that right? You might as well save yourself the pain of me finding out from one of my sources."_

_"You have spies?"_

_"Sources, not spies. And besides, how else am I supposed to stay ahead of the hospital gossip?"_

_Honestly, she kind of scares me. I tell her this. "Honestly, you kind of scare me."_

_"Good to know my efforts aren't in vain," she replies. My pager goes off. I check it quickly. Oh thank God for Mrs. Tjeder **(this is pronounced like cheddar and it's a nod to my old history teacher whose wife just had their first kid. Yay!)**. I smile apologetically and run. "I'm going to find out!" she yells after me._

_"Wouldn't expect anything less!" I yell back over my shoulder. And then I'm off to Mrs. Tjeder's room to save her and her kid's life with Alex._

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I will never understand how Addison does it. One minute she's sobbing in a supply closet, the next she's all commanding presence and professionalism. It's really kind of disturbing how she can slip into two completely separate roles in less than a minute. I learned that when we were dating. One minute she was Addison and we were cuddling or drinking coffee together or something and the next her pager was going off and she was Dr. Montgomery, the height of professionalism, and slightly embarrassed that she was dating someone below her. That should make me mad, it really should. But it doesn't.

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**reviews would be greatly appreciated and i will love you forever! plus i really want to know if i should keep going. should i? please tell me i should, because i'm really enjoying writing this.**

**lauren**


	2. Over My Head

**a/n: so here's more. i kind of really love writing this story. enjoy!**

**-insert obligatory disclaimer here-**

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The day's over and I'm in the locker room with my friends. Izzie asks me if I want to go to Joe's and grab a drink. I tell her I can't. Then, because Meredith is nosy, Meredith starts asking why not. I say that I just can't. Then Christina starts in on me and if I'm ever going them off my back I need to say something. "I'm going on a date, okay?" I snap. Then I realize what I just said. God damn it. "It's not actually a date," I quickly backpedal. Because it's not. "I'm just going out for dinner with a friend."

"Would this _friend_ happen to be a redheaded neonatal attending?" Meredith asks.

I say yes because what am I supposed to say? Then Izzie starts going on about how I'm crazy and how it's impossible to be friends with an ex, especially when the ex is the ex-wife of your friend's boyfriend. I have to tune her out just so I can sort through that sentence. Then I figure it out, and I'll admit it takes me a second, and I tune back in. Izzie ranting on about something or other, something that makes it wrong for me to be friends with Addison. I start to tune out again but then I hear her say, "You've still got feelings for her, Alex." Hold on, what? I do not still have feelings for Addison. We're friends. I think back to all our recent exchanges, me bringing her coffee, hugging her in the supply closet, telling her to wish on an eyelash. Messing with Sloane's coffee when he bugs her. Wanting to kill Sloane the time he made her cry. And that's when it hits me. I still have feelings for her. Damn it.

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_For weeks after Alex and I broke up, people would come up to me and ask why. I never knew what to say. I didn't even know the answer. I should know the answer, I was freaking there. I know that I was the one to end it. And not even because of being professionals or anything, because all of that clearly goes straight out the window whenever he looks at me. I mean, went straight out the window whenever he looked at me. Past tense. Because it doesn't anymore. I swear._

_Sometimes I still think back to that like last two weeks and I try to figure out why I dumped him. Well, I didn't dump him; I kind of just let him down gently._

_We hadn't been fighting or anything. We still talked and joked around. We still did the perfunctory kisses and the whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears and all those couple-y things. Sex was rare, but we had a relationship that kind of started with sex (insert montage of my burning embarrassment of an attempted seduction here please) and three months is a long time for that sort of relationship. Anyways, one day he comes and tells me that a nurse asked him out. And we laugh about it, because it's kind of funny. But that's when I realize it. We were tired, burnt out. We acted about sixty and this was only three months in. So I thought about it for like a week or something like that and I eventually tell him to take the nurse up on her offer. I know, stupid, right? Oh, sure, he protested, he raised hell. But I think he knew that we were done too. At least, that's what I have to think because otherwise I broke up what was probably the best and healthiest relationship that I've ever been in. And that would really, really suck._

_Looking back now, I think I can kind of figure out why we ended up like this. He and I, when we're together, nearly everything is heated and/or passionate. And I think that we expected it to stay like that. Which was really stupid of us. Because things can't be like that all the time. We were just starting to settle into the whole couple thing. I love how I'm just realizing this now. God, I'm an idiot. I should have realized this sooner, I'm the one who was married, for Christ's sake. I am the stupidest person on the face of the earth. I break up with a great guy because we're settling in but I think that we're burnt out and then I realize that we were settling in a month later. I would give anything to be settled in with him now. Hold on. You did not just read that. I did not just say that. Strike that from the record please. Just forget you ever read that. Because I do not have feelings for my ex. I don't! And even if I did, he's totally moved on and we're friends. I am not the pathetic ex that won't let go. I'm not. Yeah, great, Addie, just keep telling yourself that. I moved on. So what that I haven't actually been on any dates? I'm picky. Oh my God, I think that is the lamest thing I've ever heard. What the hell is wrong with me? Oh wait, I know! I'm in love with my ex. There, I said it. Happy now?_

_------------_

I'm waiting at the front of the hospital for Addison to show. God, I hope she shows. Because that would suck if she didn't. But that might actually be better. Because I have no clue what the hell I'm going to do. Because I really, really don't want to screw up our friendship. I haven't had this problem since junior high when I had a crush on one of my best friends. Yeah, that turned out well, she ended up hating my guts. I pray to God that doesn't happen with Addison.

Izzie and Meredith used to bug me all the time about why Addison and me broke up. I always tell them that I did something stupid, because that's exactly what they want to believe. It's not what actually happened, but it's a lot easier to understand than the truth.

About two and a half months into our relationship is when I started to notice our "problems". I started paying attention to how we acted around each other and I realized that we acted like me and Izzie, only with kissing and sex. It kind of made me stop for a second, because that's a little worrisome. Then that nurse, Piper, I think, asked me out. I didn't even consider thinking about accepting. I would never do something like that to Addison. She deserves so much more than that. Then about a week later, she told me to go for it. It was weird and I obviously got that we were breaking up. I guess she noticed our problems too.

I did go on that date, in case you were wondering. Not that it went there, not even to my place to end in a drunken one night stand. Didn't touch her the entire night. I think she hates me now. Wouldn't surprise me.

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_When I was little, my dad used to tell me that if something was meant to be, it would be. And I believed him. I think in my own strange way I still do. But even if I do, it obviously doesn't apply to me and Alex. Because it certainly isn't happening. That is, if Alex and I were ever meant to be. I guess we're not. So why am I going on a date with him? I know, I know, it's not a date, Addison. Because a date would imply that he wants it to be a date. Which he doesn't. I'm nearly positive of that. It doesn't matter that all our conversations sound suspiciously like flirting. We're not. Okay, I may be, but he's not. He's not interested. So why am I taking forever making sure that I look fabulous?_

_Here's the thing. I keep a pair of heels in my locker. Weird, right? It comes in handy at times though. Like now. Because I came into work expecting that it would be work and then straight back to the Archfield after I grabbed some McDonalds or something. Basically, I look like crap. I wore black slacks and a purple silk shirt. I know, not exactly the makings of a crappy outfit. But contrary to my nice outfit, I wore my old, beat up Converse sneakers. Bet you didn't know I owned a pair, let alone wear them. But I was having a shitty day and I really didn't feel like giving myself blisters on top of everything else. I was wearing the heels in the supply closet today, basically because heels give me confidence and I just needed some confidence to deal with Mark and Derek. Heels, to me they're comforting, if not comfortable. Anyways, I slip them back on. They're black and strappy and work with my outfit thankfully. So that took me about two seconds. Then I have to go and spend like fifteen minutes trying to salvage the wreck that is my hair and makeup. And now I'm officially five minutes late. I figure that I've got another ten minutes before Alex thinks I've stood him up. He always waits fifteen minutes, then he leaves. It's his thing. But at about ten minutes he starts to get anxious and that's when his temper starts to show itself. So I figure I've got maybe four minutes to get downstairs if I want to get there before he starts getting annoyed._

_The elevator takes two minutes to open, I know this because I can't stop checking my watch. Then the elevator ride itself takes a minute and a half and thank God I'm in the elevator by myself because anyone else would wonder why I'm staring at my watch and grumbling about the elevator being too slow._

_Then the elevator doors open and I'm walking out. I see Alex waiting for me at the front of the hospital. I smile at him when he sees me and he smiles back. He walks up to me and tells me I look great. Then we walk over to Joe's and when we go in he puts his hand on the small of my back, guiding me. Then we sit at the bar and we talk. And is it just my imagination, or are we actually moving closer? No, it's not my imagination, we're getting closer and closer and then he just leans in and kisses me and then he tells me he loves me. Always has, always will. And all I can think about is how I really, really wish I wasn't daydreaming right now._

_I shake off the daydream and I'm still in the elevator. The doors open to show me that my imagination has gotten everything right, down to the shoes he's wearing. I smile when he looks up and he smiles back, the same smile my imagination gave him. And we do walk across the street and when we walk into Joe's he does put his hand on the small of my back to guide me. And I have to resist the urge to lean into him. But resist I do._

_We sit at the bar and I smile at Joe. He hands me a martini because it's Tuesday and he knows that Tuesdays are Martini Night for me. That shows you just how much I've been frequenting the bar lately. Not exactly a good thing. Alex and I talk and I tell him about how I had to tell off Mark yet again today. He smiles and says that he's sorry. "I'd fight him off for you, if I could," he says. See, this is why I'm in love with the guy, he says things like that. He makes it really hard not to love him._

_We keep talking and suddenly it's almost midnight. I really don't know how that happened. Just, one minute it was eight thirty and the next it's eleven forty. The bar's nowhere near empty, but it's not as full as it was before. I look around and I see that me and Alex's barstools have moved inexplicably closer, to the point where if I decided to spin around, I would ram right into his knees. Suddenly I'm really, really nervous, because in case you haven't noticed I'm sitting within a one foot radius of the man I love. I'm allowed to be a little nervous. I smile at him (nervously of course) and he smiles back. I bite my lip and try to look anywhere besides him but all I can stare at is his face. I shift just a little and we're almost touching, almost but not quite. And then I lean in and he leans in and we're almost kissing, almost but not quite. My lungs are going crazy and I'm not really breathing anymore, but that doesn't seem to matter. And then just, just before our lips touch, a drunk off his ass Mark Sloane comes stumbling over. We jerk back and the moment's broken and I have never wanted to kill someone more. Not when Derek walked in on me and Mark, not when I found Meredith's skanky panties in Derek's pocket. Never._

_"Well, this looks hot," Mark slurs. "Can I join?"_

_I groan. "Go away Mark."_

_"You always say that, but you never mean it."_

_"I mean it this time." I'm kind of scared, because you never know what drunk Mark will say, but you can always be sure that it will cause a scene._

_He leans in and I can smell the alcohol on his breath. What has this man been drinking? I feel my face wrinkle up in disgust. "You'll come running back to me, you always do," he informs me. He looks at Alex. "God, Addie, you're such slut. Ran your way through the attendings, so now you've moved onto the residents?" My lungs are going crazy and not in a good way this time. I can feel my face getting red and I want nothing more than to just run out of the bar crying. But I can't do that for two reasons. One that would just make my humiliation even worse when word got back to the hospital and two, Mark is grabbing my arm and he won't let go. "Who's next, O'Malley? You'd think you'd at least move up and bang Richard or something."_

_Okay, that is just disgusting, but I still try to keep my composure. I don't know why I haven't exploded by now, I really should have when he made that comment about me running back to him. Because I don't. Not anymore. "And why would you say that?" I manage to stay calm, I even manage an interested smile. Everyone in the bar's watching, I can tell. I look around, oh, good, there's Christina and Izzie and George over by the dartboard. Oh, and over in the corner, there's Derek and Meredith. Okay, perfect, the gang's all here._

_"Well, because then at least you could improve your chances for chief from nonexistent to slight." I stare at him with my mouth hanging wide open. Because I have never known him to be this mean, even drunk. And there go my lungs again and, yep, cue the tears. Now I know how this is going to end. Me running out crying. Great. I start to grab my things, well as well as I can, since Mark's still got a death grip on my arm._

_But apparently this isn't the ending Alex has in mind, because the next thing I know, Alex is out of his seat and punching Mark in the face. Then he grabs my coat and I grab my purse and we leave._

_

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_

**so want to review now?**

**-Lauren**


	3. Fall Away

**a/n: so this took forever, sorry about that.**

**1) this is quite possibly the saddest ending to a chapter that I've ever written.**

**2) because of this, i've already got the next chapter written, and i'll post it later today**

**-generic disclaimer-**

* * *

Damn Mark Sloane. Damn him. I was _this_ close to kissing Addison. _This_ close to feeling her lips on mine again. And then he stumbles along and ruins everything. And now she's going to avoid me, because that's what she does. It'll take me forever to work up the courage to make another move. One of these days, I swear, I'm going to kill him. Oh wait, I can't. Stupid Hippocratic Oath.

I don't know why I did it. I mean, I know the reason behind it, he was hurting Addison and I've never been able to control my temper, but why I just punched the guy in the face, that's what I don't know. Usually I'm a little subtler than that. Or at least I wait until we're alone or close to it. No witnesses, you know?

At first I thought that it was just Sloane and he's drunk so of course he's an ass. Addison's a big girl; she can take care of herself. She _likes_ taking care of herself; she probably would have kicked my ass if I tried to defend her earlier than I did. And I could take the jab at me. So what? But then he called her a slut and I started to get angry. Then he grabbed her. And the second I saw the tears in Addison's eyes, Mark Sloane became as good as dead. Because _no one_ hurts Addison and gets away with it, not while I'm around.

------

_Alex and I are walking back to the hospital to get our cars. He just so proved that he's my knight in shining… whatever. I really need to figure out how I'm going to keep up this charade of being friends. Because that's what we are. That almost kiss back there? It was just… it wasn't… I don't know. It wasn't real. Not really real. Because I am almost positive he doesn't feel that way about me. Punching Mark? That was because he's my friend and he was protecting me. He would have done the same for Izzie. Hell, he probably would have done the same for Meredith. The almost kiss, that was just wishful thinking on my part. I imagined it or something. Because he doesn't feel that way about me. The universe doesn't like me that much._

_We cross the street without saying anything. It's not exactly an uncomfortable silence, but we're both trying to figure out what the hell to say. Because if that almost kiss wasn't in my head, not only would that mean he feels that way about me, that would mean that we'd have to figure out what we're going to do now. But first one of us has to say something. I suppose it should be me. "Thanks," I say as we walk into the hospital parking lot._

_"No problem. Sloane's an ass. Don't pay any attention to him. You have a better chance at chief than him and you are the least slutty person I know." It would be a lot easier to just sit tight and wait for my feelings to go away if he would stop saying things like that._

_We reach my car and I dig in my purse for my keys. It's actually my car too. Why I have a car here and not a house is not a question I know the answer to, but for some strange reason I do. I pull my keys triumphantly out of my purse (believe me, this is a victory, my purse is a mess) and he hands me my coat that he's been carrying. I thank him again. We stand there for a minute, and for just the tiniest moment, not even a second, I think that maybe he's going to lean in and kiss me. But whatever it is passes and he crosses his arms instead. "So I should, um, go," I stammer, gesturing over my shoulder at my car. Then I realize what a stupid gesture this is, I mean, am I really going to leave any other way?_

_"Yeah. See you tomorrow." And then he just walks away, like… like… like he's walking away from George or something. See, he's clearly not interested. So now I'm going to go home and change into sweats and then, and only then, I'm going to let myself cry._

-----------

There's a lot of things I should have done in my lifetime. I should have told someone about my dad when I was little. I should have stepped aside when Denny went after Izzie. But the most important "shoulda"? I should have kissed her. I should have kissed Addison. I was going to too. But I am a coward and I didn't. Damn it. Oh well, with my luck she would have pushed me away and screamed at me. And then she would go avoid me and that would be the end of us. All of us. And I couldn't take that. We have to stay friends, because honestly? She's the reason I get up in the morning. God, that sounds sappy, but it's true. My alarm clock goes off and I can't get up until I picture her smiling at me, telling me that I've done a good job on a surgery or something. Then I'm out of bed like a shot.

Whatever, I get it, I missed my chance. Because there's no way she feels this way about me. She's moved on. Even without going on any dates I can tell. Because there's no way that a woman like her wouldn't move on. It's over. I get it.

-------------

_I barely made it out of the parking lot before my eyes started burning. I was halfway back to the hotel when the first tear fell. I am so pathetic, I couldn't even make it home before I started crying. Then I do make it home and I spend hours sobbing. I didn't even change. And just to top it all off, I get a call from the front desk telling me that my neighbor called repeatedly to complain about my "wailing". For the record, I was not wailing. Sobbing maybe, but not wailing._

_I eventually fall into a tears induced coma. Crying takes a lot out of me and that's the second time today. God, I must be PMS-ing or something. I haven't cried in a month, ever since Alex and I split and I maybe let one tear escape, and now suddenly my eyes are red and swollen because of all the crying I've been doing today. So I pass out and at eight o'clock in the fricking morning I get a phone call. "Hello?" I croak into the phone, because not only am I still groggy, my throat's raw from sobbing._

_"You sound hung over." Only one person I know would start a conversation like that._

_"I'm not hung over. How are you, Naomi?"_

_"Are you sick?"_

_"I'm not sick. How are you?"_

_"You sound sick."_

_"Believe me, I'm not sick."_

_"Then what's wrong?" Naomi's never been incredibly patient with me and I can hear that she's starting to get annoyed._

_"Nothing's wrong."_

_"Liar."_

_"I'm not lying. Why would you say that I'm lying?"_

_"Because your voice gets higher when you lie and you sound like a Munchkin right now."_

_"Thank you. That means a lot to me."_

_"You've been crying," she accuses me. I can practically see her eyes narrowing._

_"I should have just told you I was sick."_

_"Shoulda, woulda, coulda. Why are you crying?" She puts long pauses between the words of her last sentence. She sounds like she's talking to a five year old._

_"It's nothing. Just a guy thing."_

_"Nothing that a little sunshine won't fix. When are you coming to L.A.?" She's been badgering me to go down to California for ages now. Maybe it's not such a bad idea. "The practice has an open office. We would love a neonatal surgeon down here," she tries to entice me. And it's kind of working. Sunshine would be nice. I've forgotten what natural warmth feels like. And I would be away from everyone. Away from Meredith and Derek, away from Mark. That's heaven in and of itself. Away from horny residents. Away from Callie, which kind of sucks. Away from Alex. Is that a good or bad thing? Good. I can't fall out of love with the guy if I'm constantly seeing him. And it's clearly going nowhere._

_"Would three weeks be too soon?" I ask._

_"You're joking right?" She sounds like I just told her that I'm going to blow up the hospital. Is me moving really that unbelievable?_

_"Um, no?"_

_"Three weeks. Okay, we'll be ready for you. I can't believe your actually coming! Must be a big guy problem."_

_"I have to go, Naomi," I say, because I'm not spilling my guts over the phone. "I'll talk to you later." And then I hang up, because I know that she'll badger me until I talk if I stay on the line. Besides, I have to go to work. I was planning on sleeping in until eleven, since I don't have to be in until noon, but I'm up now, might as well go in and break the news to Callie. She's going to hate me._

_I shower and I go in and I find Callie sitting in the cafeteria grabbing some coffee. "I'm moving to L.A." I announce as I sit down, because there's really no other way to tell her. She'd get annoyed with me if I did it any other way._

_"I'm going to live on the moon," she replies. I stare at her because that made absolutely no sense whatsoever and I have no idea how to respond. "This is the part where you try to top off my unbelievable sentence that makes no sense whatsoever with another one of your own," she prompts me._

_"I'm serious."_

_"Oh, you're good," she laughs. And then she figures out that I am in fact serious. "Oh my God, you're serious."_

_"I am."_

_"Why?"_

_"Why am I serious? Because I'm not lying…"_

_"I meant why are you moving, dumbass."_

_"That is a really bad thing to say to an attending," I point out._

_"You're not an attending for long. Besides, I can totally take you. Why are you leaving?"_

_"The question is why I stayed. I mean, Derek chose Meredith and I stayed. Mark moved here and I stayed. Why?"_

_"Because you like it here. Because you like me. Because of another certain resident," she says, obviously alluding to Alex. The sad thing is she's right. I do kind of like it here. I'm going to miss the rumor mill, as least as long as I'm not the main topic. And I do like Callie; she was my first real friend here. And I did stay for Alex. I was playing with the idea of leaving before, but then I started dating Alex and I don't do long distance relationships. And he couldn't leave, so I stayed._

_"I'm leaving. In three weeks."_

_"Three weeks? Why don't you just go now?" Callie's obviously mad from the tone of her voice._

_"I'll still call you when I'm down there." I'm trying to make it not seem so bad. It doesn't seem to be working._

_"Sure you will, Addison, sure you will. Just tell yourself that, if that's what you need to do to make yourself feel better. Good luck talking to Alex." And then she storms off. And I'm alone. As usual._

------------

I'm talking to a nurse about a patient when Addison walks up and asks if we can talk. She seems nervous so I say yes. So we walk and she starts babbling. "I really don't know how I'm going to tell you this, because I think that you're kind of going to hate me after I tell you and I really don't want you to hate me, so please try not to," she starts off. I don't like the sound of this. "I'm moving. To L.A. In three weeks." That's what she says. In the same tone of voice that she would tell me that I need to be on call tonight.

"Why?" I hear myself ask. I'm not really in control of my body anymore; I'm kind of just functioning on auto-pilot while I try to process what she just said.

"There's nothing here for me anymore. I mean, Callie. And you." Is it just me or did she sound hesitant in saying "you"? That could be a good or bad thing, but which is it? "But I came here to get my husband back and that failed and then Mark and really, you were the only thing keeping me here," she says and smiles sadly. "But we're not together anymore so… yeah. Um, I'm going to go now." Am I imagining it or does she look like she's about to cry? I could just lean and kiss her now. She looks like she wants me to, but who knows if I'm right? If we were in the movies I would do it, I would grab her and kiss her. But we aren't in the movies and I'm a coward. So instead of kissing her like I'm supposed to, I stand there like an idiot and watch the love of my life walk away from me.

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**told you it was sad. want to review and tell me so?**

**-Lauren**


	4. Heaven Forbid

**a/n: blame my computer for the delay, not me. it was being stupid. and a bunch of you hated alex in that last chapter, can't say i blame you. but don't worry, as the author, i have my ways.**

**i'm too lazy to come up with an original disclaimer. it's not mine.**

* * *

He didn't kiss me. I could have sworn that he was going to. But he didn't. Well, that just proves it. I am officially moving to L.A. I talked to Richard and everything. Oh, he wasn't happy about it. In fact, I think that was the angriest that I've ever seen him. But I can't stay here and pine after a guy who doesn't love me. I won't do it. I've done it once and I'm not doing it again.

_By the end of the day everyone knew that Satan was leaving Seattle. God, I love that rumor mill. Hey, at least this time it's a fact. The last rumor that was spread about me was when I had the flu and was throwing up in the bathroom. Of course that turned into Satan's whore being pregnant with her ex-husband's baby. Or wait maybe it was Mark's. And this was of course when I was dating Alex. So every possible male in the hospital got blamed for my "pregnancy" _except_ for the guy I was dating. Because God knows the rumors that circulate can't be the least bit believable. Whatever. I'll still miss it._

_By the end of the week I got to hear all the rumors about why I'm leaving. According to Seattle Grace, I'm having a mental breakdown, me and Derek are eloping, me and Mark are eloping, I have an unknown disease but they apparently know how to treat it in L.A. so at least that's good, I'm meeting an unnamed lover there, I'm pregnant with any of the aforementioned men's child but they don't want to deal with it, so I'm leaving, heartbroken. Or my favorite, I'm quitting to pursue my previously unrealized dream of becoming a movie star. I'm apparently a very busy woman. I'm wondering how I'm going to deal with Mark, Derek, and my unnamed lover, since I'm sure that they'll hate each other and I'm eloping with all of them. But these are their theories. Rather laughable, I'll admit. It's really sad how far each and every one is from the truth. The heartbroken part of the pregnancy rumors is true, but that's about it._

_But one thing has come out of this all; I've realized that my purpose in life is apparently solely to exist for the enjoyment of the masses._

--------

Addison's been avoiding me. Not that I didn't expect it, because I did. I just didn't expect it to hurt so much. I've had her avoiding me before, so from previous experience I know not to go looking for her. I won't find her. And even if I do, she'll grab the nearest person and start up a conversation with them or she'll just run. I've actually had to chase her down a couple times before. That was pretty entertaining, but she was pissed afterwards. But that was back when we were dating and I actually had the right to chase her down.

I've yet to hear from Chief about my assaulting Sloane in the bar, and I'm assuming that's a good thing. I've been avoiding Sloane like the plague so I really don't know what he has to say about it.

My day's been going okay. It would be better if Addison weren't avoiding me, but what can you do? I turn the corner and my day immediately becomes pretty sucky. Because when I turn the corner I see Addison, which is a good thing, talking to Mark, which is the worst thing I can possibly think of. Judging by Addison's body language and what I can see of her face, Mark is in the middle of his usual morning harassment. I see her eyes glaze over and then she starts looking around and she spots me. I can tell she's torn between asking for my help or continuing to let Mark annoy her. I can't believe she'd rather be groped by Mark than talk to me so I make her decision easy. I walk over, no I don't punch him, although I would love to, and I politely interrupt, make an excuse about some patient and lead Addison away. And as soon as we're around the corner and out of Mark's sight I fall back and let her keep walking. It takes her a couple steps before she realizes I've stopped moving. She turns back. "Coming?" she asks. When I shake my head she looks confused. "What about Mrs. Freeman?"

"That was a lie and you know it. You looked annoyed so I lied, okay? Just go back to avoiding me or whatever."

"I'm not avoiding you." I just stare at her because that's a lie. "Okay, I'm avoiding you. But I'll stop, if you want me to."

I want her to, I really want her to, but if I sounded that eager then she might figure me out. So I say, "Do whatever you want. I don't care." Stupid, stupid, stupid. I can see that she's a little hurt by that, so I've got to fix it. Because I can't have hurt her. I would hate myself if I hurt her. "I mean, I do care. But whatever, it's your choice. Just, if you don't want to avoid me or whatever, I'm going to grab some lunch. I'll be in the cafeteria. If you want."

And then I head off, but not before watching her eyes light up and a gorgeous smile spread over her face.

--------

_So here's the thing. However implausible it may be, however much wishful thinking would be involved to make this true, if Alex asked me to stay, I would. Obviously. Honestly, even if he just asked me as a friend I would stay. It's really quite depressing, how in love I am. I may as well just have it tattooed across my forehead in red ink. It would clash with my hair, but who cares?_

_God, I feel like Eponine in_ Les Miserables_, only I don't plan on getting shot on my way back to the barricade any time soon. Nor do I plan on helping Alex, my Marius obviously, land a girl who's not me. But still the principle is the same. I'm in love with my friend who doesn't love me back. How sad. Whatever, I'll live._

_It's just that Alex makes it really, really hard to when he's rescuing me from Mark and inviting me to lunch, because that gives me hope. And that hope makes me hate him. Except I can't hate him. God, I hate my life. At least I'm able to hate that._

_Because I'm so pathetic I go and I find him sitting and eating. He looks up and hands me a chocolate pudding. This means that he was expecting me, because he never eats chocolate pudding. Am I really that predictable?_

_I sit and we talk and we're obviously right back where we began. We're friends. I can deal with friends. But he asks me about L.A. and my friends there and I kind of have to suppress the urge to cry. Because he obviously doesn't care if I leave. Life hates me. Well, I hate it back. So there._

---------

She should leave. She should go to L.A. There's nothing in Seattle for her anymore. She deserves a fresh start. This is what I'm telling myself to keep me from begging for her to stay. What she really deserves is someone better for her than me. Someone who doesn't fuck with her head like I do.

I start thinking about all the things that I've messed up with her. Let's see, there was my behavior after our first kiss, my behavior after we slept together for the first time, and countless other times when I pushed her away. And then there are all the times I yelled at her. Not that she didn't yell back, because she did. Addison can give as good as she gets. But still, there were times when I just completely lost my temper with her. And don't get me started on the last couple weeks with her. I have messed up so many times. And I have a week to make it up to her. Before she leaves. For good.

-----------

_I leave tomorrow. At noon, to be exact. I'm all packed and ready. I just have to check out. I feel like I should do _something_, anything, to, I don't know, celebrate or something. So I call Callie. But Callie's not home. I contemplate calling Miranda, but I'm sorry, there's no way I'm braving her without either help from Callie or alcohol. I could call Alex, but that's probably not the greatest idea in the world. Mark, but I'm not friends with Mark anymore. Not really. Not since I left him to chase Derek and especially not since that scene in the bar. That was the last straw. Besides, right now I'm lonely and kind of sad and Mark would use that to his advantage and that would make me hate myself. So Mark's a no go. Derek and I are civil but I'm not going to invite him to do anything. Besides he's probably with his twelve year old. I mean, Meredith. It's not that I don't like her, because that's not specifically true, it's that I watched Derek pine away for her while he was married to me. That would kill any feelings of compassion in a saint._

_I resign myself to the idea that I'm going to have to celebrate by myself. To Joe's I go. One last time and then I can get the hell out of this place. I look at the door, hoping that maybe if I stare at it hard enough, the person I want to be standing there when I open the door will be there. I open the door to an empty hallway. Damn. Obviously I need to work on my psychic powers._

_I drive to Joe's. Well, technically the Emerald City Bar, but who calls it that anymore? I sit down and Joe looks at me sympathetically. I didn't realize that I look so pathetic. Then again, I am sitting in a bar at about seven thirty. I look a little pathetic. "What?" I ask because I'm curious._

_"I heard that you're leaving."_

_"I am. Tomorrow. At noon."_

_"I'm sorry to hear that."_

_"Why? No one's going to miss me," I say. In case you haven't noticed, I'm feeling a more than just a little sorry for myself. I'm allowed to be. I'm leaving the man I love behind and he doesn't even care. Sure, Alex has been really sweet lately, running down to Starbucks to get me un-crappy coffee and finding time to go and get me lunch from actual restaurants, but it's all because I'm going to be gone and he probably wants me to put in a good word with the new neonatal attending or something. I may be in love, but at least I'm realistic._

_"That's not true," Joe contradicts me, snapping me away from my depressing thoughts. "I'll miss you and I can think of several other people in that hospital who will."_

_"Yeah, Mark," I scoff. "And Richard I suppose."_

_"That's not who I was talking about, but I'm sure they'll miss you too."_

_"Who then?"_

_"They would hate me if I told you that they would miss you," he says. Is that supposed to be some kind of clue? "And they're not an attending or the Chief." No, that's the clue. Okay, so not an attending and not the Chief. That leaves the residents and the interns. I haven't talked to the interns enough to be able to distinguish one from the other without the help of Miranda telling me their name before I say it. Not one of them's going to miss me. Which leaves the residents. I realize that there are other residents in the hospital aside from Bailey's old interns, but I don't know or care about any of them. Is there anyone besides Alex in that group who could possibly miss me? George, that's unlikely. Christina, no. Meredith, definitely not. Izzie still hates me. Was he talking about Alex? Please tell me he was. I start to ask him, but he's off to help another customer._

_By the time Joe gets back I've got a guy trying to hit on me. I just cannot shake this guy off. "I'm leaving in the morning," I tell him._

_"Perfect," he replies, obviously looking for a one night stand. What, is he married or something? Fighting with his wife? I don't know, and honestly I don't care. I just need to find some way to get him away from me._

_"Dude, back off, she's with me," a voice I recognize says. I flash him a thankful smile. The guy sizes up Alex, who could obviously hurt him if he wanted to, and beats a hasty retreat. "Can I sit?" he asks and I nod._

_"Thanks," I say._

_"No problem. You looked bored. I figured you could use saving."_ Yeah, just crush my wish that you were actually jealous_, I think._ While you're at it, would you like all my hopes and dreams too?_ "I'm not a jealous stalker ex or anything," he says. I have no idea what he's talking about and it must show on my face because he starts to explain. "You know, I'm not stalking you or going to get jealous if some guy's talking to you."_

_"Oh. I'm not a pathetic ex," I say and he gives me a look that shows he has the exact amount of knowledge of my statement that I had of his. "The pathetic ex that won't let go," I explain. "Kind of like the jealous stalker ex, only instead of stalking and being jealous, just refuses to let go. I suppose it could lead to being a jealous stalker ex."_

_"You aren't a pathetic ex," he replies._

_We sit in silence for awhile. "I should, uh, I should go," I eventually say, because this is becoming more and more awkward and I really hate awkwardness._

_"Wait… Is your cell phone still the same?"_

_"Yeah…" I say._

_"I'll call you. When you're in L.A. I mean."_

_"Okay," I agree and walk out happier than I came in._

--------

She's gone. She's actually gone. I was hoping that this would never actually happen.

The first day, I was in the worst mood. I snapped at two nurses and Meredith and Izzie. Izzie and Meredith just smiled knowingly and I almost started yelling again. I really just needed to punch something. All my patients were a little afraid of me and some of them actually had the nerve to ask me why I was in such a bad mood. I just smiled, apologized, and told them that I'm having a crappy day. Understatement of the century.

I've noticed that the hospital feels empty without her. Like it's lost some driving force or something. Days are mediocre at best. Slowly the days turn into weeks and suddenly she's been gone for almost three weeks. Nineteen days to be exact.

Day nineteen, I'm staring at some charts, thinking. Thinking about how different work seems now. How I wish she was back. Then it hits me. What if I could get her to come back? What if the Chief would take her back and I could get her to come back? Life could finally go back to normal.

I rush off to find the Chief and I ask him. "Hypothetically, if Addi- Dr. Montgomery wanted to come back, could she?"

He looks at me, "This is purely hypothetical, Dr. Karev?"

"Hypothetically, Chief."

"Hypothetically, I would love to have her back."

"What if I could get her back?"

"This isn't hypothetical anymore?"

"No."

"If you think you can get her to come back, then take the week off and go down to L.A. But if you come back without her, you'll answer directly to me, understand?"

I gulp. The Chief on my ass, that's a scary thought. "Understood."

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**bum bum bum! -dramatic music-**

**reviews?**

**-Lauren**


	5. All At Once

**a/n: sorry this took so long, i had swim championships, aka the most miserable swim meet ever. i really have nothing to say except i think you'll like this chapter.**

**(insert disclaimer here)**

* * *

I've been in L.A. for a couple weeks now. I've mostly been relaxing but I've helped the occasional person. I'm beginning to settle in at the practice, my office has some personal touches, no pictures or anything. Just it's starting to feel a little… homier I guess would be the right word. In other words, I have heels hidden away in my desk drawers and things like that.

There's a knock on the door and I look up. It's Pete. "Want to go grab something to eat?" he says. I give him a look. "Purely platonic," he insists. We used to have a thing. Not a thing, we kissed twice. That was before Alex. Actually, that was after Alex in a way. I was hurting from being rejected. Twice. By one guy. Heh, I kissed Pete once for every rejection by Alex. It's kind of funny in an incredibly pathetic way. Anyways, he got that we're done when he tried to kiss me again and I turned my head to the side so he got a mouthful of hair. He understands. I think. I hope. In any case, he's a great guy. We're friends now, even if I sometimes have to question his motives.

"Okay," I agree. I poke my head into Naomi's office to inform her that I'm leaving. She cranes her head to see my lunch date. She's always hoping I've found a guy. Just not Pete. And most definitely not Alex. She harbors a deep resentment of Alex. This is in all likelihood because any time she talked to me when I was in Seattle, I would complain about him. Not only did he break my heart, unintentionally of course, but she's probably completely sick of hearing about him. Her smile falters just a little when she sees Pete, but she nevertheless waves me off and Pete and I leave.

We go and we have a completely unremarkable lunch. It's fun, but completely normal. We get back and run into Naomi. "You have a visitor," she announces. "He's waiting in your office." She says "he" with the slightest bit of disdain.

"He? Medical marvel? Or sick divine joke?" I joke.

"I don't think he's pregnant."

"I wasn't serious."

"I know. Well, gotta go." And then she walks off. Strange.

I walk to my office with Pete in tow. I open my door and a voice I'd recognize anywhere says, "So I'm a jealous stalker ex."

Shit. Naomi could have bothered to warn me about this.

-------

Addison looks shocked to see me. I'd be shocked too, I guess. She doesn't look like she expected me in the least. "Uh, you look like you want some privacy… I'm gonna go now…" some guy tells her. Who the hell is he?

"Thanks for lunch, Pete," Addison says with a small smile. Pete. I officially hate the name.

"Not going to introduce us?" I ask in my typical smartass fashion.

I get the satisfaction of seeing her just a little flustered. "Uh, Pete, this is Alex, Alex, Pete. Alex is from Seattle and I have no idea _what_ he's doing here." When I just shrug, she tells me, "When you said you'd call me, I didn't think you meant this."

"So you're Alex. Nice to be able to put a face to the name." He looks like he wants to kill me. What has she been saying about me? "Bye, Addison." He pecks her on the cheek and I want to punch him.

Addison and I sit in silence for a moment. She walks over to her desk and starts shuffling papers. She does this when things get awkward. She finds busy work. "So…" she starts. "Why are you here exactly?"

I walk over to her desk to get her to look at me. I figure a straight approach is best. "The Chief wanted me to come down and see if there was a chance you would come back to Seattle."

"The Chief's asking?"

"The Chief," I confirm. Is it just me or does she look a little crestfallen? So I try to fix it. "Not that I don't want you to come back. The hospital sucks without you." She looks happier after that.

"It does?"

"It does."

"If you were me, what would you do?"

The second the words are out of her mouth, I know my answer. "I'd come back with me."

"Why?" she asks. She isn't going to make this easy, is she?

"Well, because… because…" I'm just going to have to spit it out, or I'll never say it and she won't come back with me. I move closer and take a deep breath, "Look, there's this guy back in Seattle and he wanted me to tell you that he loves you and to move back."

"I am not going back for Mark Sloane. He's part of the reason I left. In fact, he's most of the reason I left." She really doesn't get it, does she? Is she really this clueless?

"I wasn't talking about Sloane," I say. This all seems very clichéd.

"Derek? Because I could have sworn he had a girl- Oh. _Oh!_" she exclaims as she figures it out. Her eyes widen and she looks like she has no clue what to do. "Really?" she finally squeaks.

"Really," I tell her. And then I do what I should have done weeks ago, I lean in and kiss her.

--------

I am officially the happiest woman in the world. No, really, no one could even come close to how happy I am right now. God, I missed him. Most perfect day ever.

I pull back from the kiss and look at him, with probably a big, dorky grin on my face. "Are you really in love with me?" I ask. "Or are you just saying that to get me to come back?"

"I'm not lying. It scares the shit out of me but I- I love you, Addison," he tells me. I feel like I'm going to faint. I actually kind of stumble and Alex reaches out to steady me.

"Thanks," I say. I'm most likely starting to scare him because I haven't said anything back, but it's not my fault. My stupid mouth isn't working. Blame it, not me. Fortunately, I get my mouth back under control rather quickly. "I love you too," I finally reply. The first person I've told since the divorce. Go Addie! He looks almost surprised to hear it, like he was expecting to be shot down (something I would never in a million years even dream of) and then a grin spreads across his face. I grin back. Then I slap him upside the head. "Do you know how long I've waited to hear you say that?"

"Ow! What the hell?"

"You deserved it," I inform him, because he does deserve it. After all those stupid almost kisses I have earned the right to slap him at least once, if not more.

"You broke up with me! You told me to go on that date!" Oh, right. Ha.

"Um, I plead temporary insanity?" I say, because that's really the only explanation for why I would ever be stupid enough to let him go. "And you still deserved it after all those times I thought you were going to kiss me. And then you didn't."

"I was going to, but Mark and then I was scared and I was so sure that you were done with me and… I'm an idiot." I silence him with a kiss.

"Stop," I order. "Now come on, we have to go tell everyone that I'm leaving." I open the door, walk out, and everyone hurries to pretend that they weren't just straining to see through the blinds. Everyone watches discreetly as we walk towards Naomi's office. I figure that I should tell her first. She'll kill me if I don't. I knock on the door frame since the door's open and she looks up from her paperwork. "Hi," I say.

"What?"

"Can we talk?"

"What, wanting to leave already?" she asks in a teasing tone, only I don't think she's really joking.

"Actually…"

"Relax, Addison. I figured you'd leave when _he _showed up." She shoots a look at Alex. "You're really predictable when it comes to guys," she tells me.

"I am not!" I protest because I'm not.

"You always make decisions based on the guy in your life, Addison; it's a fact of life."

"I do not." I think back to all my recent decisions. Leaving Seattle, okay, that was Alex. Leaving New York and coming to Seattle in the first place, Derek. Sleeping with Mark, Derek and Mark. Crap, I do make all my decisions based on guys. Damn it. "Okay, so maybe I do. But I do have a good reason to this time!"

"Face it, you have a sucky reason," Naomi says, but she's sort of smiling so I think we'll be okay.

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not." I think Alex may think I'm the most immature person ever after witnessing this conversation.

"What? Did he declare his undying love for you?"

"Nothing quite so eloquent as that…" I smile at Alex and he grabs my hand.

Naomi looks at us and sighs. "When are you leaving?"

* * *

**love it? hate it? want to tell me?**

**-Lauren**


	6. Trust Me

**a/n: this is the second to last chapter. i know, how sad. and i've noticed that most of my stories end up like this one. you'll understand when you read it. especially if you've read my other stories. trust me. anyways, the last chapter will be up next week, since my vacation place has no internet access. UGH! i'm probably going to die. if you don't hear from me in two weeks, call the police.**

**(insert disclaimer here)**

* * *

I don't think I've ever been as happy as I was that week in L.A. with Addison. God, it feels so good to be able to touch her again.

We spent the rest of the week getting all her stuff ready to go back to Seattle. That's not all we did, but I'm trying to keep this as clean as possible. Anyways, she was apparently not expecting my visit, because a) her apartment that she rented is a mess and b) all her things are unpacked. So we have to repack them and then get them shipped off to Seattle.

At the end of the week we get on the plane with all her millions of various suitcases and my one carry on bag. She's sitting still but I can tell she's nervous from the way she keeps fiddling with her watch. She goes to rotate her watch and I cover her hand with mine. "Stop," I order.

"I'm sorry," she replies. "I'm nervous," she announces, biting her lip.

"I know." When I say this, she cocks her head, asking me how. "One, you only bite your lip when you're nervous or about to cry and you're not about to cry, and two, you only play with your watch when you're really nervous."

She looks at me like I'm crazy. "How do you _know_ that?" She sounds amazed.

"Come on, I'm around you enough that I think I would kind of figure these things out.

"Do you _watch_ me? You _are_ a jealous stalker ex!"

"I told you that. And I'm not an ex anymore."

"Very true," she says and leans in and kisses me, proving my point.

"Why are you nervous?" I ask.

"Why am I going back?" she asks herself rhetorically. "No one likes me. They all hate me. I'm going to be getting weird stares all month now. Why am I going back?" she asks again.

"You're going back because Callie misses you, and because I would miss you too much if you didn't. Believe me; I'd rather stay in L.A. with you, than go back. And you are going to be fine, because not everyone hates you there. And even if they do, they're a bunch of idiots who you shouldn't care about anyways. And if anyone gives you a weird stare, I'll kick their ass."

She laughs. "Thanks, I may hold you to that," she says. "I'm tired," she announced and then, even though it's only nine, she puts her head on my should her and sleeps. I pull out my iPod from the pocket of my jeans without disturbing her. I listen to it and watch her sleep for an hour. She's even more stunning when she sleeps. It's the one time her face is truly peaceful. And I get to see that. I'm not letting that go again.

--------

_I wake up after about an hour to find my head on Alex's shoulder and my arms wrapped around his arm, like it's a teddy bear or something. "Hey," I say quietly._

_"Hey," he replies in the exact same way. I get the feeling he's making fun of me. Then again, it's Alex; of course he's making fun of me. "You're up."_

_"Actually, I'm not, I'm talking in my sleep with my eyes open, couldn't you tell?"_

_"Right, sorry, my mistake," he apologizes. Is it me, or is he acting nervous? If anyone should be nervous, it's me. I'm the one going back to a city where nearly everyone hates me. I'm the one who has to deal with all the doubts about my professionalism. Not that I would give up Alex because someone thinks I'm not professional, I wouldn't give Alex up for anything, but still, it's annoying._

_"Are you_ nervous_? Because I'm the one who should be nervous."_

_"Look, Addison, I'm going to ask you something and I don't expect an answer and I don't even want an answer now. But here's the thing, these last months have been the worst months of my life. I thought that I'd be fine without you, but I'm not. Okay? I love you more than anything I can think of. Except maybe possibly my mom, but that's an entirely different story and kind of love."_

_"You're taking my job," I tease him. He looks at me strangely. "I'm supposed to be the one who rambles. It's my job and you're taking it."_

_"Maybe, but I'm trying to do this right," he replies. He's trying to do what right? What is he talking about? Because I really want to know. As in now._

_"Alex, what are you…?"_

_"Addie, I'm just going to say this, okay? And like I said, I don't expect an answer and I don't want you to answer unless your absolutely sure. Because the only thing I want is for you to be happy, and if you're not sure, I don't want you to push yourself into it. Look, I know it's insanely fast and I will totally understand if you say no, but I let you go once and I hated it. I hated not being with you. But it made me totally sure of what I'm doing now. Because I need you like air or surgery or something. And I'm not about to let you go again."_

_This is starting to vaguely sound like something I heard almost twelve years ago, only more rambling, and a lot less eloquent. But it's Alex, not Derek, and these words mean so much more to me now than those old ones do. All that 'I'll understand if you say no' and 'don't answer unless your sure' is making this sound strangely like a proposal. Which it's not. Because God doesn't like me that much and I haven't done anything to totally tip the karma scale in my favor. "What are you saying, Karev?" I ask warily._

_"I've been thinking about this for forever. You've got to know, I've wanted to do this from the first day I saw you. Actually that's a lie. The first day I saw you, I wanted to sleep with you. The first day I talked to you, I wanted to strangle you." Ookay, way to flatter a girl, Alex. "But somewhere along the way, I fell for you. And now I don't get how I could have ever wanted to kill you." Getting better. Not perfect, but this is Alex we're talking about here. He's not exactly a master of the English language. "But don't answer now unless you're sure."_

_"Alex. Tell me! Now!" I bark, because the suspense is killing me._

_"Marry me."_

_Two little words and my mind goes blank. Just blank. Nothing. Nooo…thing. Blank as… something really blank. I can't really come up with anything, because I'm having issues remembering to breathe at the moment and I don't think I can handle anything higher than the basic survival skills. I can feel my jaw start to move as I try to make it function and form the word I want it to, but it's having none of it. "I… me… you…" I stutter, looking straight at him. The strange thing is he doesn't look nervous at all, just looks back at me. _He's _not having troubles breathing. I hate him. "I…" I try again, but my mouth still refuses to work with me._

_"Addie, it's okay. You don't have to answer now," he says. And he says it like he means it. Once my mouth starts deciding to let actual helpful words out, instead of useless monosyllabic words, it had better not say no. I've learned from experience that my mouth has a mind of it's own, but if it says no, I do believe I will somehow find a way to replace it._

_I sit in shock for the rest of the plane ride. Silent. But it's not really uncomfortable. I'm dimly aware of a stewardess trying to talk to me, but Alex answers for me and she goes away. Through my shocked haze, I see the seatbelt sign flash on and hear the pilot rattle off the time and the mandatory speech about the seatbelts. And just as the plane touches down, my mouth decides it's time to allow me to talk again. Oh please let it say what I want it to. Please. "Yes," I whisper. Oh thank God. He turns and looks at me, making sure he heard me right. "Yes," I repeat, only louder this time. "Yes!" I nearly yell, and then realize how loud I am and how half the plane is staring at me, and duck my head in embarrassment. But even though my mouth has allowed me to regain the ability to speak, it has still withheld the ability to control my facial expression and I'm grinning like a moron. I look up at my new, beautiful, wonderful, absolutely gorgeous fiancé and nod._

_"You're sure? You're not just saying yes because you feel like you have to or something?"_

_"Do I look unsure?"_

_"Noo… but with you, you never know. Are you sure?"_

_"Shut up. Alex, I swear to God, I am sure. I'm more sure than I've ever been in my life, even more than when Derek asked me to marry him, and if you ask me if I'm sure one more time, so help me God, I _will_ be forced to kill you."_

_"Alright, Jesus, you'd think I asked you to go whore yourself on the street or sleep with Sloan or something."_

_"Once again, shut up." And then just to make sure he does what I tell him, I kiss him._

--------

She said yes. Those are the only three words running through my mind right now. She said yes. I'm engaged. Holy fucking shit. Okay, so those three words are running through my mind too.

We get off the plane and get her many, many bags. Which I end up carrying most of. I should have chosen to marry a chick with less luggage. But I didn't, and now I'm paying for it. We're walking out of the airport to get a taxi and suddenly she whirls around. "I don't have any place to stay," she says. I stare at her. I could have sworn we're engaged, which would probably mean she was welcome at my place.

"So I was thinking that you might stay with me, you know, your fiancé? But if you want, we can always go and check you back into the Archfield if you want," I tease her.

"God, no," she shudders. "Door number one, please."

I smile and even though I'm carrying/ rolling a bunch of luggage, I manage to rearrange it all so that I can slip an arm around her waist. This past week I had troubles not touching her, being in contact with some part of her. Now it's even worse. Except now I'm most definitely allowed to touch her, and there's nothing that even the Chief can do to stop me. "Let's go home," I say and she nods. And then we walk out of the airport to grab a taxi home, to _our_ apartment.

* * *

**i know, i know, cheesy and pretty stupid, but you know what? i seriously don't care. because these two can pull cheesy off. because had it come out of anyone else's mouth or been directed at anyone else i would have groaned in disgust at the whole "i'd notice" thing. but because of these two, i loved it. so sue me if this is cheesy. like i said, they do cheesy well.**

**reviews?**

**-Lauren**


	7. Look After You

**a/n: ok, so i had this all ready to upload about a week ago. but then things got crazy. and then i was already to update yesterday and my computer decided to be stupid. my apologies, but my computer hates you. sorry!**

**disclaimer: the answers the same as last time, i don't own it.**

**anyways, sit back and enjoy the last chapter! oh and heads up, my alex voice wasn't functioning properly, so this chapter is almost all from addison's POV. and this 0oooooo0 is a scene change, but still from the same perspective. new thing in the last chapter. brilliant, i know. but like i said, my alex voice wasn't working and i wanted this to be close to its normal length. okay, now you can sit back and read.**

**AND NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, THE LAST CHAPTER OF _LOOK AFTER YOU..._**

* * *

_I try to put off my inevitable return as long as possible, mainly because I don't want to deal with the stares I'm likely to get. And, honestly, I don't want to deal with telling everyone about me and Alex. Because things are going good now and somehow someone's going to say something to mess it up, just because no one likes me there. I manage to delay my return for a couple days, saying that I don't feel well. No one's probably buying my story, but a girl's got to try, right?_

_I spend three days lounging around Alex's (and now apparently my) apartment while he goes and works. The fourth morning he pulls me out of bed at five in the morning. "What?" I groan._

_"You're going in today," he informs me._

_I wake up when he tells me that. "I am?"_

_"Yeah, you are. You need to get off your ass and get back to work."_

_"Why?" I whine. "Do I have to?"_

_"Because the Chief is starting to doubt that I really brought you back and yes, you do have to."_

_"Let me call him," I beg, "I'll talk to him."_

_"Putting off going in is only going to make it harder," he tells me. And he's right, but I don't want to admit it._

_"But-" I protest, but I'm cut off._

_"No buts. You're going in. Come on, the first day's the worst, but you'll get through it. And you want to know why?" he asks. I nod, because I honestly need to feel awesome about myself so that I can get through all the Addison-bashing that will probably take place not so quietly behind my back. "Because you're Addison Forbes Montgomery. You made a mistake, flew across the country to admit to that mistake, fought like hell for your husband, and when that didn't work, you stayed in Seattle anyways. You're tough and you don't let anyone bullshit you. You're an amazing surgeon and doctor and nearly everyone respects you, even if they don't like you. You're an incredible woman. You are excellent in the O.R. and even better in bed," he says, and I have to glare at him for that last remark, but he keeps going, "but no one else gets to know that last part, not while I'm around, anyways. Because you are secretly a spaz, because you are dedicated to your work and because Addison Forbes Montgomery does not give up. At least, not the Addison I know and love. And most of all, you're going to get through it because I'll be there too, and I'm not leaving, no matter what anyone says. Is that enough or do I need to keep going? I will, but I'm running out of adjectives here."_

_"You can stop," I tell him, because I've heard all I need to hear. "And I am not secretly a spaz."_

_"You're not exactly forthcoming with the fact."_

_"I'm not a spaz!" I exclaim._

_"You're a spaz," he says._

_"Am not."_

_"Are so."_

_"Am not."_

_"Are so."_

_"I am not a spaz!" I say and fling my arms out in frustration, hitting the wall with my right hand in the process. "Ow!" I look a little sheepish and I bring my arms back in quietly._

_"You're a spaz." This time I say nothing to contradict him._

_0oooooo0_

_I get on the elevator, Alex following close behind. Meredith gets on as well and she does a double take. "Oh, Dr.- Dr. Montgomery, uh, you're back, um, hi!"_

_"Dr. Grey," I say with a nod and a small smile. We sit in silence as the elevator rises. Finally it arrives at our destination and I get off alone, since Alex has to go get ready for rounds._

_"It- it's nice to have you back, Dr. Montgomery," Meredith calls after me. Suck up._

_I walk to the place I know that I'm guaranteed to run into someone, the coffee cart. Hopefully I'll run into the person I want. "Well, well, well, look who's back," a voice says from behind me._

_I roll my eyes and turn around to find (surprise, surprise) Mark standing barely three inches away from me. "I am back," I reply. "And back off, Mark."_

_"Why? Getting you all hot and bothered?" he says, stepping closer. What is it with this guy? Is everything opposite to him? Because, I swear, to Mark Sloan no means yes and back off means come closer._

_"Hot, no. Bothered, yes. I'm serious Mark, back away before I call my fiancé to come kick your ass."_

_He looks like I just punched him in the stomach (although truth be told that would probably hurt my hand more than his stomach). "You're- engaged?"_

_"I am," I answer. "Bye Mark." Then I turn and walk away. I probably should have been a little nicer, the guy does claim to be in love with me, but I haven't forgiven him for that scene in the bar._

_I know that I was going to tell people today but how did he end up being the first to know?_

_"Manhattan!" Callie calls from behind me._

_I whirl around. "Callie!" I give her a hug. "I have such big news!"_

_"Not to steal your limelight or anything, but so do I!"_

_"Go ahead."_

_"No, you."_

_"Okay," we both say at the same time and laugh._

_"You first," I say._

_"No you," she replies._

_"Talk!" we both order the other._

_"I'm engaged!" I say at the same time she says, "I'm pregnant!"_

_"What? Congratulations!" we both squeal._

_"Okay, the floor is all yours," I say._

_"No, it's yours! I want to hear how Alex proposed."_

_"He- wait, how do you know Alex proposed?"_

_"Please, you wouldn't say yes to anyone else. Plus, I've known you two were going to get married since the day you started dating. Possibly even before that."_

_"What? How?"_

_"It's obvious. You two give off very 'we're eventually going to get married' vibes even when you're not a couple. Now, let me see the ring and you're going to tell all about how he proposed. Let's go grab some nearly inedible food."_

_0oooooo0_

_"I told Callie. And Mark, but that was an accident," I tell Alex that night as we sit eating Chinese takeout and cuddling on the couch in his, our apartment._

_"I told Meredith. Which means that Shepherd knows. And Christina. And probably Burke. And George. And Izzie."_

_"Great," I sigh, because I do want people to know, but I was kind of hoping I'd have some kind of control over when they found out._

_"You don't sound happy," Alex comments._

_I turn to face him, "No, it's not that. I'm happy. Beyond happy. I was kind of hoping that we'd be able to tell everyone. You know, not have it flying through the hospital? Because now we're going to have all these rumors spread about us. And I really hate it when people are whispering about me."_

_"Hey, chill," Alex tells me. "It'll be okay."_

_"I know," I say and lean and kiss him. He tastes like sweet and sour pork. "As long as you're here, I know." Wow, that was incredibly cheesy, but I meant it._

-----------

Addison and I arrive at the hospital to find Izzie standing there grinning. "I so called it," she announces. She obviously knows. "I knew it. Congratulations, by the way."

Addison smiles tightly. She's not happy that Izzie knows without one of us telling her. I squeeze her hand which makes her look over at me and smile genuinely. "Thanks, Dr. Stevens," she says.

"Izzie," Izzie tells her. "It's Izzie. Oh and by the way, I talked Meredith into letting us throw a party for you guys. If you want that is."

I glance over at Addison. This is totally her call. "That's really sweet of you," she says. "Thanks."

"Okay, great! Oh, and Dr. Montgomery? I'm sorry that I got so mad about the quints. But I worked my ass off to save that kid and it turned out that I did it all for nothing. It sucked."

"Don't worry about it, Izzie," Addison says, with a genuine smile. "The Chief did the same thing to me when I was an intern. I didn't speak to him for almost a year. I feel terrible that I did it to you, but you did learn to distance yourself, at least a little, right?"

"I did, at least a little. So, um, does Friday work for you guys?"

"Friday's great," Addison replies.

"Okay, um, great. Um, got to go, but, um, I'll talk to you guys later? Maybe we could grab a drink?" Izzie asks uncertainly.

"Sounds great, Iz," I answer, the first time I've taken part in this conversation. Izzie smiles and runs off.

"She's really… enthusiastic," Addison comments.

"Yeah. You'll like her. She's more like you than you'll care to admit. Maybe not as hot…" I say and kiss her, because the whole hospital knows about us by now, and if someone is that out of the loop, then this will be a nice surprise for them.

0oooooo0

Addison and I are standing at a nurses' station going over charts. Several nurses have already congratulated us and one nearly had a heart attack when she saw the ring on Addison's finger.

"Hey," Meredith says as she and Derek approach. Shepherd looks uncomfortable. "I, uh, I just wanted to say congrats," she tells Addison.

"Thanks, Dr. Grey."

"Alex is a great guy. You're lucky to have him," Meredith continues.

"Yeah. Yeah I am," Addison says, looking over at me and smiling. I smile back.

"Derek has something he wants to say too."

Addison looks at Shepherd expectantly, but he stays quiet. Then Meredith not so subtly steps on his foot. "Ow!" he exclaims and looks over at Meredith who gives him a very pointed look. "Right. Um, congratulations," he mutters the last word.

"What was that, Derek?" Meredith asks. Addison looks like she's having trouble not laughing, and I can't blame her since I'm having issues too.

"Congratulations," Shepherd says louder.

"Thanks, Derek. That means a lot. And thanks, Dr. Grey," Addison says, obviously realizing that Shepherd wasn't saying this of his own free will.

"No problem," Meredith replies and leads her boyfriend off.

"I wonder what she had to threaten him with to get him to do that," Addison wonders.

--------

_I'm called into a meeting with the Chief. I can only assume that by now Richard has heard about my engagement. I enter his office and he motions for me to sit down. "Now normally I don't pay attention to the gossip and rumors flying around, but one rumor has been brought to my attention that I thought I should talk to you about."_

_"Look, Richard," I interrupt. It's not like me, I know, but I want to get the story straight as soon as possible. "If what you're talking about is my engagement to Alex, then I can tell you it's not a rumor," I say and hold up my left hand to show the ring as proof. "I know that inter-hospital relationships make you uncomfortable and I'm sorry if this is making you feel like that. But I love him and nothing you can say is going to change that or make me change my mind. So if you really have an issue with it, I'm sorry, but I'll seek employment elsewhere."_

_Richard sits quietly through my entire speech. When I'm finished he looks at me and says, "Addie, all I wanted to do was offer my congratulations." Oh. Oops._

_"Oh. I'm sorry." I can feel my face burning._

_"It's okay. It's reassuring to know that you care about him that much and that you're really in this relationship."_

_"Thank you, Richard," I say. "Um, can I go now?"_

_"Go ahead Addie. And I really am happy for you and Alex."_

_"Thanks," I say again and smile. And then I get up and leave before I can embarrass myself anymore._

_0oooooo0_

_Miranda and I are standing alone in the elevator. "I hear you're engaged," she says, still facing forward. "Congratulations."_

_"Thank you."_

_"But, really, did it have to be one of my interns?" I turn and look at her, wide eyed. I thought she'd be happy for me. Not stuck on the fact that I'm marrying one of her interns. "Of course it did. Well, if you're happy…"_

_"I am. Happy, I mean."_

_"Then good. Congratulations. Want my advice?" she asks and I nod. "Don't sleep with this one's best friend." That was cold. That was beyond cold, that was frigid._

_"Miranda!"_

_"It's the truth. And don't let this one ignore you. Remember that you don't deserve to be ignored. You are a strong, independent woman and you deserve better than someone who ignores you._

_I tear up. "Thank you, Miranda." I go to hug her but she shoves me off with a gruff "Get off of me". But she smiles and I know that she meant every word and that means more to me than any hug. "Will you at least hug me on my wedding day?" I ask, just to be annoying._

_"We'll see, Addison, we'll see."_

_0oooooo0_

_At the end of the day Alex and I drive home. He's driving and I'm in the passenger seat. We stop at a red light and I turn to face him. "They know," I say._

_"They know," he repeats._

_"I'm okay with it," I state, and I mean it. "I was worried that someone would say or do something to screw us up."_

_"No one will," he tells me, "And even if they do, no one's taking me away. Not again." Okay, this guy can not be for real. Except he is. Damn, I'm lucky. I lean in and I kiss him. The light turns green, but we don't notice until a particularly impatient person honks. Then we jerk back and Alex concentrates on the road again. Whoops_.

* * *

**so, last time i ask for reviews for this story. how sad. you know what would make me happy? reviews!**

**-Lauren**


	8. One Question

**so here's my question: do you people want a prequel? because i've been asked about it, but i don't know. i'll write one if... 4 people tell me they want one. deal? okay, deal.**

**-Lauren**


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